Brilliantly Resilient

Long story short, I was a disgruntled cubicle monkey who followed the rules believing they would make me happy. Spoiler alert: They did not. ~ Shereen Thor Did you have a life plan? Most of us did. We thought if we chose an "acceptable" career path, did the "right" things and followed all of the rules, life would be grand. Except it doesn't always work out that way. For many of us, "acceptable" career paths and life choices don't make us happy, usually because the roads are rigid and don't allow us to stretch to be who we really are. Yet, making a decision (and then sticking with it) to deviate from the "right" path can seem impossible, especially when we believe we will be disappointing those who see success differently. Shereen Thor, former cubicle monkey, standup comic and entrepreneur, discovered first-hand that making choices to fulfill someone else's idea of success rarely ends well. As she began to feel she was abandoning her own life, Shereen tuned into her inner rebel and did the unthinkable–she left corporate America to become a standup comic, living happily ever after…or not. As Shereen notes, "You are going to experience hard things whether you are on the right path or not, but the right path makes the challenges worth it." Here at brilliantly Resilient, we know that life is ever-evolving, always offering a mix of good and bad. But when you choose to live with a Brilliantly Resilient, values-based mindset, the rough spots are a little less rough–and always come with a lesson to help move you forward. Tune in to hear more of Shereen's wisdom on this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast. And be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: Standup comedy was terrifying, but I wanted a different life. I was tired of abandoning myself. One of the rules I was breaking was that negative emotions are bad and that I'm bad if I'm experiencing negative emotions. We have to make more space for the gray. We have to live a values-aligned life instead of abandoning ourselves to what we're supposed to want. What does your heart tell you? Don't worry about fixing everything. You don't need to be fixed; your worth is inherent. There's nothing 'wrong.' Don't shrink to fit for anything or anyone–ever. I am unwilling to be treated badly–ever. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin  

When dance was taken away during Covid, I had to say, 'Who am i?" I realized dance was external, so I had to dig deep and realize what I loved about dance and see how I could put those things into myself and put them into other things. I've transferred those skills over and do one thing at a time. Ask yourself 'What am I made of? What else do I have?" ~ Paige Leigh DeAngelo Did you lose anything during Covid? All of us lost something or someone, and some losses were far more painful than others. But even seemingly minor losses had profound effects, causing us to question our identities, our past decisions and our futures. A dancer since early childhood, Paige DeAngelo lost that part of her identity when she was unable to dance on stage during Covid. Initially grieving that loss, Paige eventually looked inward to determine what skills she had learned during her dance career that she could transfer to other passions. In 2021, after recalling the copious amount of makeup used during her dance days, Paige founded Aer Cosmetics, creating a sustainable mascara that allows the user to buy a small tablet of mascara as a refill, using the product's original tube, rather than buy an entirely new unit every time. Now a recipient of over $70,000 in grants and business competition winnings, Paige is a full-fledged entrepreneur and will be bringing her product to market in the near future. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we love Paige's emphasis on utilizing her transferable skills to rebuild her life after Covid's sucker punch. What transferable skills can you bring to other areas of your life? Tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Paige's words of wisdom, and listen for these additional bits of brilliance: I realized at a very young age that if I wanted something I was going to have to do it myself. I determine my final outcome. Everything is "figureoutable"–you just have to do it. You have to sit in the discomfort and be okay with it. You can't make decisions about your life because you don't want to disappoint someone else. Your closed doors are just as valuable as open doors. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin  

We have to change the idea of menopause as a four-letter word. Who do you trust? Where would you go for care? Take care of your mental state. Do whatever it is that makes you feel good. For me it's meditation, being in nature, exercise. Eat well. Be mindful; be aware. Talk to your doctor. Find the resources that are right for you. ~ Catherine Grace O'Connell The "M" word. If you're a woman, menopause looms in your life as something to dread–the end of vitality and usefulness. At least, that's the way it used to be. Catherine Grace O'Connell, the founder of  Forever Fierce: MIdlife Matters and Modlife Media, knows the power of women in midlife. A self-described "Ageism Positivist, Catherine sums up midlife for women like this: "Women at Midlife & Beyond are the Perfect Storm. We are the first demographic in history to have health and vitality, wisdom and life experience, and a pocketbook to match. We are a fierce creative force balanced by compassion and empathy. It's time we make our presence known!" Part sage, inspiration, practical advice, and all fierce fabulousness, Catherine has mastered her own challenges and turned midlife into a powerful period of creativity, using her wisdom and smarts to guide others to embrace midlife and find the joys and power within. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we love Catherine's spirit, can-do attitude and her practical strategies for making the most of modern midlife. (And she looks amazing, too!) To hear more of Catherine's wisdom, tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen in for these additional bits of brilliance: Most women at midlife are exhausted from the duty side of life. Those sparks of creativity and joy need to be honored. We must use our voice to inspire others and be who we are supposed to be. The urgency of the timeliness of life is our soul pushing us and saying, 'Hey, are you going to get on track for why you're really here?' Your heart starts speaking and telling you there's a reason you love what you love. There is a phoenix rising effect that you're rising from your old life's ashes. We're hungry for real authenticity. I was shaming myself for all of these things, but then I realized they are my strengths. The more struggles I overcame, I built my strength, I built my character. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin & Mary Fran

I went to Ukraine thinking I'd find victims of war and recipients of humanitarian aide. What I found were civilians creatively, consciously engaging in what was going on around them. ~ Dr. Greta Uehling Can you imagine life in a war zone? The residents of Ukraine have lived amidst devastating war and crisis for years, first with the invasion of the Crimean Peninsula and now with Russia's further invasion starting in 2022. For those of us living in the United States, life in a war zone is something we observe from afar. The images we most often see are devastating, showing civilians huddling in fear near bombed out homes and cities. Yet, when Dr. Greta Uehling visited Ukraine to better learn how civilians were coping with the war, she discovered resilience and brilliance as people often "made choices based on others' vulnerability," discovering also that "relationships became essential to resilience." Dr. Uehling's book, Everyday War illustrates how individuals found their worldview shifting as they discovered the importance of relationships, awareness of others' suffering and the usefulness of transferable skills in navigating life in a war zone with resilience. This week's powerful interview with Dr. Uehling illustrates the concepts of how to live a Brilliantly Resilient life in the most challenging of circumstances, highlighting the power of employing our transferable skills in service to others. Even Dr. Uehling's personal journey to Ukraine required a willingness to evolve with changing situations, and not being married to a particular outcome. Tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Dr. Uehling's wisdom, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: I had to let go of my previous agenda. I couldn't control the occupation of Crimea, but I still had the power of my pen. In my case, the anthropological skill set was very transferable and for me that was empathetic listening. The wife of a doctor found new life assisting people, finding resilience together with others, through the everyday ethic of care. You improvise your own ethics and decide what's right. People get to live another day. Value is placed on the gift of being alive; that's what's important. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin & Mary Fran

Don't pre-plan a negative experience for yourself. Stop yourself within 17 seconds to keep a negative thought seed from germinating. Stop the negative thoughts and don't attract that negative vibration. ~ L.A. Williams How often do you look towards an upcoming event, goal, work or personal situation, and think, "This isn't going to go the way I want?" Most of us are guilty of sometimes assuming the worst of a situation even before it happens. Whether it's a form of self-protection, preparing for what we believe is certain disappointment, or planning a next step after failure, we focus on the potential negative outcome far more than we allow ourselves to consider the positive. Blind for the last 35 years and now a highly successful businessman, L.A. Williams has experienced negativity, and knows that allowing a negative mindset to take root will only bring on more of the same. Once we plant an idea or outcome in our minds, the brain begins to work on that scenario, helping us to consciously or unconsciously achieve exactly what we are telling ourselves will happen. It's essential to stop negativity in its tracks before it takes root–and setting a mental timer to get off the doom and gloom carousel is just the solution. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we've also welcomed failure with open arms by allowing it to grab hold of our minds. When we believed things wouldn't work out, they didn't, at least in part because all of our mental energy was preparing the way for us to fail. We're believers in intention and mindset. At the very least, living hopefully is a heck of a lot better than living miserably. At best, we've found over and over that showing negativity the door and setting a lovely place for success leads us precisely in that direction. To hear more of L.A.'s wisdom, tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast. And be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: I didn't want anyone putting any limits on me. The only thing I can't do that you can do is see. If you're going to be successful, you have to bring the authenticity. People can see, smell and feel the phony coming off you. Let me show you why that is incorrect. I'll show you how I can take the limits and throw them to the side. There are multiple ways to do anything in life and I just have to find out the way I can do it. Adversity University is one of the best places to go to if you want to learn about life. The classes are going to be hard, but it's so worth it. Life is a team game–you have to find the players and coaches who can help you. Instead of assuming there is nothing, we have to ask the questions. You can attract answers by asking the questions. Every answer is out there. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin & Mary Fran

We need to slow down our conversations and not just say, "I'm fine," when people ask how we are feeling. ~ Nick Jonsson How often do you respond, "I'm fine" when someone asks how you are feeling? It's almost automatic–partly because it's a standard greeting, but also because many of us believe that sharing our feelings, especially if we don't feel like rainbows and sunshine, is a sign of weakness. Being vulnerable and admitting to feeling lonely, stressed, anxious or depressed is particularly taboo if you're an executive in today's business world. We expect our leaders to be strong, even if that means they must ignore their humanity and the negative feelings that sometimes come with it. The problem is that refusing to acknowledge or manage those feelings only compounds the problem, weakening the ability to lead and live effectively and happily. Nick Jonsson knows first-hand the perils of suppressing negative feelings. After moving to a foreign country, leaving friends and family behind, Nick struggled with isolation and turned to some unhealthy ways to manage the strain. It was after a friend's suicide that he realized the problem was more widespread than simply personal.  Nick founded the Executives' Global Network–a confidential peer networking group of over 700 executives to share their challenges, receive support and learn. He also authored Executive Loneliness: The 5 Pathways to Overcoming Isolation, Stress, Anxiety and Depression in the Modern Business World, and created a suicide prevention organization. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that life isn't always brilliant. Anyone can experience negative feelings–regardless of how things look to those on the outside. Building a tribe of support is essential to mental health, as is allowing ourselves to acknowledge our vulnerability. Once we do, we often find a community of others who not only feel the same way, but serve as a source of strength as we regain our emotional equilibrium. To hear more of Nick's wisdom, tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: Executive men especially keep secret and silent until we can't cope any more and we turn to other things that can end up harming us. Vulnerability and being able to speak openly and honestly about what we're feeling is a gift. We need to find safe places to talk about how we feel. Many people are not responding. They are terrified about opening up. There is so much shame or guilt. We don't have the tools to manage our relationships and feelings of isolation as executives. You can't expect your team to talk to you if you aren't willing to be vulnerable yourself. We need to exercise our muscle of vulnerability. Dare to be vulnerable and show that you're human. We can learn to cultivate a healthy mind and lead with empathy by embracing vulnerability, building resilience through personal experience and the journey to emotional intelligence, and supporting our community. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO,  Mary Fran & Kristin  

Be seen, heard and remembered. I had a whole period of my life where I was afraid to use my voice. I was afraid to be visible. I could have done so much more if I hadn't been afraid to be visible. Start being visible. ~ Mildred Talabi Have you ever found yourself wanting to speak up about something but you remained silent? Whether it's because we lack the confidence to speak up, we think our opinion isn't valuable, or we feel less than others in the room–especially at work–it's not uncommon for people, especially women, to stay silent rather than speak up and have all eyes on us. When we're visible, that means we can be vulnerable. We step into the spotlight and take the chance others won't like us or what we stand for. But what if the opposite happens? What if our message resonates with others and we can finally find the purpose in life that we've been seeking? Mildred Talabi, this week's guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, knows how it feels to watch life go by on the sidelines. It wasn't until a major health crisis caused Mildred to recognize that she was letting opportunities to live life on her terms pass by that she knew she had to to step into the spotlight, speak up, and make an impact.  Today, Mildred is an author and leader of the Visible Women Tribe and also teaches others how to build a brand on LinkedIn by using the platform as a community to build the bonds of personal and professional trust and share their brilliance with the world.  Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know the power of a supportive tribe, and we also believe in speaking up and owning your brilliance. Each of us has the potential to share that brilliance with others to make the world a better place. Tune in to this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Mildred's wisdom and be sure to listen for the additional bits of brilliance: There was a gift in my adversity. I knew I had to decide what was really important in my life and how I wanted to live. Here's how you can become visible on LikedIn: PACE Profile–Who are you? Audience–Who is your audience? Content–Your vehicle to be seen Engagement–LinkedIn is about engagement and building community. Use LInkedIn as a community space and be personal. If you're going to build a personal brand, you can't avoid the personal When you add the personal content, people get to know you. It helps to strengthen the bond and build trust.  Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin and Mary Fran

Having the hard conversations with a loved one and then sharing what we've learned can be a gift to others who love that person but can't have those conversations. The Five Wishes helped me start those conversations. ~ Yvonne Caputo How much do you enjoy having hard conversations? If you're like most of us, you'd rather go to the dentist than have a difficult conversation with a loved one–or anyone, for that matter. Hard conversations are, well, hard. They frequently involve intense and unpleasant emotions, and we only venture into that territory when we've exhausted every other means of avoiding the situation. But Yvonne Caputo, this week's guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, has experienced the upside of hard conversations–getting to know a loved one better and honoring him towards the end of, and after his life. Yvonne is the author of Flying with Dad and Dying with Dad, two books that prove the value of asking difficult questions and listening (deeply, as Yvonne says), to the answers. While it wasn't easy to initiate those conversations, Yvonne found help in utilizing a document titled The Five Wishes, which encourages conversations about end of life care and the needs and wishes of those relying on others for care. After asking the tough emotional questions, Yvonne found that the answers prompted more loving and enlightening conversations with her father about his life. Having challenging conversations, no matter the topic, is never easy. Yet once we begin asking questions and seeking answers, we often find new information that makes a situation easier to understand and navigate. Part of being resilient is having the courage to move forward even when we don't really want to. Tune in to hear more of Yvonne's wisdom on this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: The more I asked questions, the more he trusted me. And I began to understand my father on a deeper level. The five wishes was a critical document. It took an advance directive for a parent and brought out all the heart. By asking the questions, I found discovery after discovery about my father. Knowing what my father wanted, I was able to honor him. By knowing what people want, we can ease their transition for us and them. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin and Mary Fran  

Nobody told us we couldn't change the world, so we thought we could. ~ Lynn Cummings What would your ideal world look like? Lynn Cummings and her husband, parents of 3 adopted children (all abused) are a mixed race family. For Lynn, a diverse neighborhood full of welcoming people, regardless of race, was the dream. Yet, when people of color began moving into Lynn's suburban neighborhood years ago, Lynn noticed the sale signs that soon sprouted up on the lawns of her white neighbors. Lynn notes, "I was so happy to see the neighborhood that I wanted to live in and so sad to see others wanted to leave because of that." Long a believer in the simple phrase, "Just do your bit," Lynn and her husband decided to do something about what they saw as an opportunity to create the welcoming environment they wanted for their children and others. They started an organization called  "Neighbors Empowering People" to stop white flight in their town. Today, Lynn's neighbors include multiple ethnicities all engaged in a thriving community. Being Brilliantly Resilient isn't hard. All it really takes is action, commitment and passion for your values. When we all simply "Do our bit," with positive intention and energy, we actually can change the world. Tune in for more of Lynn's wisdom on this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: Part of my motivation was to help create the world I wanted my children to live in. In order to make change, you have to go to the power structures. We began to work on stable integration. The building up of the body and the community. That's really what resilience means. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin and Mary Fran  

If you're only subscribing to someone else's version of success, it's not going to make you happy because it's not your version; you never really wanted it. We have to take time on the front end to figure out what that success means to us. ~ Matthew Turner How do you define success? For most of us, the word "success" is tied to professional recognition, money and some level of prestige. But do those things truly bring happiness? And what is the cost of achieving them? Author Matthew Turner explores those questions in his latest book, Beyond the Pale, in which his protagonist achieves society's version of success, only to find he never truly wanted it. In this fictional account, Ferdinand fulfills the expectations of what he was told was success, only to discover that success means something entirely different to him personally.  According to Matthew, personal success means different things to different people–one size doesn't fit all. The way to discover what success means to each of us begins with focusing on the one thing we truly own–our values, and moving forward from there.  Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we believe that defining personal values is the first step to accessing resilience and rising after challenges. When we act based on what is genuinely important to us, we follow our true path and open the door to opportunities that resonate with us–helping us to define our own versions of success, and allowing our brilliance to shine. It's not always easy to change; as Matthew reminds us, Whenever you have an awakening, it's almost always easier to roll over and stay asleep, but it is worth it. Take time to decide what success means to YOU, and jettison the guilt you may feel at abandoning a path that may not lead you to where you really want to be. Tune in to hear more from Matthew on this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: Whenever you have an awakening, it's almost always easier to roll over and stay asleep. How dare you have the audacity to change your mind? We put a lot of guilt into changing our minds. We spend too little time focusing on our individual values and principals. If you don't have values, what do you own? They are your version of doing the right thing. We spend too little time focusing on our individual values and principals. If you don't have values, what do you own? They are your version of doing the right thing. Replace success with meaning and purpose and recognize that success is malleable. Really successful people define success on their own terms. They deconstruct society's idea of success and create their own. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO,  Kristin and Mary Fran