Brilliantly Resilient

Episode 154: Happy 3rd Birthday, Brilliantly Resilient!

  Don't operate from a fear mindset, operate from a growth mindset. Look at life from a Brilliantly Resilient lens. ~ Kristin Smedley and Mary Fran Bontempo Happy birthday to us!!! We can't believe it, but this week–March 7th–marks the 3rd birthday of Brilliantly Resilient! When we started Brilliantly Resilient, we planned a "world tour" of speaking on stages, sharing our process to Reset, Rise and Reveal Your Brilliance to the world. We prepared, we created, we dreamed and then, on March 7th, we had our first Brilliantly Resilient live event! It was amazing!! We couldn't have asked for more and we were so excited for the future of Brilliantly Resilient. Then, on March 14th, 2020, the entire world shut down. And so did all of our plans. Given what we preach, you'd think we immediately started to Reset with Resilience. Instead, we cried, we complained, we shook our fists at the heavens…and then we got over ourselves. We realized that we couldn't control anything that was happening in the world, but we could control our response. So, we decided to practice what we were preaching and started to look for ways to share Brilliantly Resilient–when we couldn't leave home. Fast forward three incredible years, and we have a top-rated podcast, a book, we've traveled around the country, both in person and virtually–all to share the Brilliantly Resilient program with thousands of others. As we often say, we are our own best case study, and have implemented each step of the Brilliantly Resilient process over and over again–proving that it works. We work the Brilliantly Resilient steps every day, and we've moved from a fear mindset to a growth mindset. Simply put, that means that instead of crashing and burning with challenges, we acknowledge them, make values-based decisions, check our perspective and see what's in our control. We can then take imperfect action (we've learned that nothing is perfect, and that's okay) and evolve with what happens next. Sharing Brilliantly Resilient has been a joyous opportunity, and we're incredibly grateful for those of you who have learned, laughed and discovered your resilience and brilliance with us. Thank you is not enough, but a heartfelt thanks to you all for your support. We're just getting started! Tune into this week's podcast to hear more (from us!), and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: When everything is taken away, you get to go back to your basic values, figure out what's important, and make decisions based on that. You can create a process for managing things. I look at life through a Brilliantly Resilient lens now, not as a victim or in anger. Now I know how I'm going to show up when a sucker punch comes along.  You can bring your transferable skills to every experience. Figure out what your Brilliant skill set is and bring that to every experience and see what happens. Then find others with complementary skill sets to add to your tribe. Kids don't look at failure as failure. They look at it as a learning opportunity.  Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! Kristin and Mary Fran  

Episode 153: How to Build a Values-Based Business, with WeShape’s Katie Bramlett

I had a very successful fitness business, but I had to get away from the toxic expectations of the fitness industry. I couldn't sell six pack ab products anymore. I had to shut it down. ~ Katie Bramlett Have you ever had something that's supposed to be good for you end up feeling bad for you? Many of us feel that way about exercise. We know it's good for us, but it doesn't always feel that way.  Katie Bramlett, this week's guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast is a fitness guru. But even Katie knew, despite having great success in the fitness industry, that the traditional view of exercise and fitness had become toxic.  Realizing that the key to fitness was more about intentional movement connected to self-care than endless crunches, squats and striving for unattainable physiques, Katie closed down her businesses and started WeShape–intending to build a community focused on a shift away from a number on the scale. By focusing on movement as a self-care practice and adjustable programs to help all users achieve success, Katie built a company based on shared values and gratitude for what any body is capable of doing. When we live a values-based life, we often find that our work and personal lives reach out to each other, allowing us to be true to what we believe and to find ways to incorporate those beliefs into our actions. To hear more from Katie, tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: The idea of fitting in jeans will not be a sustainable reason to keep up with an exercise program. I hated exercise because I was doing it for the wrong reasons.  It has to be an act of self-care. If we focus on a number on the scale, even if we get to that number, it's fake fulfillment. It's external fulfillment. We can't have a belief that our worth comes from a number on a scale. We have to understand that with 8 billion people in the world, we all can't have the same body type. Feel gratitude for what your body can do. I had to fight my own mindset of "I'm not an expert." I just knew this was so important, so I did it despite the internal and external negativity against making fitness about connecting to the self. WeShape is based on a meaningful shift away from the number on the scale to movement and connection with self and community. Our program is based on movement we can scale up or down depending on what the user needs. ~ Katie Bramlett Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! Mary Fran & Kristin  

Episode 152: How to Create Alternative Learning Pathways for Students with Carlos Aponte and ”We Love Philly!”

Alternative pathways to learning and education are really the key to educating today's students. So, how are we interconnected to businesses? How are we connected to the community? Everyone has that buy-in. How can we get businesses and the community and non-profits involved? ~Carlos Aponte Do you remember what you learned in Geometry class? Philosophy? Chemistry? Much of what we learned as students was intended to offer a well-rounded education, gearing us towards college–where we often took classes that were equally forgettable. (A course in James Joyce for English? Mary Fran had a headache for a solid month!)  Carlos Aponte taught in the Philadelphia school system for over ten years. Having lived through childhood trauma, Carlos recognized that many of his students were also struggling with serious challenges, and the educational system was not meeting their needs. Further, the path for students not headed for college often seemed like a dead-end. Knowing there was a better way, Carlos created the non-profit We Love Philly, a program that allows students to earn high school credits while learning how to practice self-care, engage with their community, create their own personal brand, and apprentice at area businesses.  Carlos recognizes the value in educating the whole student, and knows that encouraging the individual, as well as area businesses and organizations, to engage and support each other allows young people to feel a sense of worth and belonging that carries into adulthood.  Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we believe in building powerful tribes based on complementary skills sets so that everyone brings their best selves to every challenge. And living based on values with an emphasis on self-care helps our young people recognize their own power and worth, helping them to find their place in the world–both big and small. Tune into this week's episode to hear more from Carlos and listen for these additional bits of brilliance: You can't have an ounce of judgment in your bones when you're working with young people. You have to get through the trust / mistrust stage before you can reach kids. Once your body, mind and soul are aligned, you can do anything. There is a major disconnect between administration, teachers and students with the diverse learning styles and proficiencies in those groups. The brains are different and learn differently.  Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!  Mary Fran & Kristin  

Episode 151: How to Listen to Your Emotional Indicators, with Shannon Cohen

Emotions are indicators. If we see the red on a battery, we don't shame our computers. We see it as something we have to take care of for optimal performance. Imagine if we gave these human vessels…that same grace to say my emotions are indicators, not inconveniences. They let us know that if you want me to operate optimally, you need to acknowledge that I feel this….We need to ask ourselves, "What do I need in order to be well?" ~ Shannon Cohen How often have you warned yourself to control your emotions? Though we are inherently emotional beings, people often see emotions as detrimental–at least to success.  Shannon Cohen, speaker, author and business owner, encourages "using a head+heart approach" to success, productivity and everyday life. She reminds us that emotions are indicators of our overall health–not to be ignored. Given life's everyday challenges, and especially the difficulties of the last several years, it's easy to see how our emotions could get the better of us. Yet, if we recognize our emotions as a tool to determine what we need, both physically and mentally, we can better define what is in our control and come up with an action step–a Brilliantly Resilient strategy for sure. Tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Shannon's wisdom and check out her book, It's Normal to Shake as You Soar. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: Turbulence is part of the process of take-off and greatness. Building is messy. We need to find the wisdom and the gratitude in the messiness.  When we ask people "How are you?" it's a battery check. It's an indicator check. The next question we need to ask ourselves is "What do I need in order to be well," because often the problem and the solution lie within the same place. Disengagement has always been one of the biggest corporate challenges. Covid took the lid off this and we could no longer be the manicured culture we were. We were glamorizing going back when "back" wasn't so great. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 150: How to Heal From Betrayal with Dr. Debi Silber

When we're betrayed, our self-trust is totally shattered. There is a breakdown of body, mind & worldview. We need to regain and relearn our trust in ourselves. Our gut is so much more perceptive than our mind. ~ Dr. Debi Silber Have you ever been betrayed? Betrayal sounds like a soap-opera word–too dramatic to apply to everyday life. Yet, almost everyone has experienced betrayal at some point, either as an adult through trauma like divorce, or as a youth, when a best friend suddenly decides you aren't "cool" enough anymore and moves on without you. Think about a hurt that still hurts, even though it may have happened years ago. That's betrayal. Dr. Debi Silber, holistic psychologist and author of Trust Again, knows betrayal firsthand. More importantly, she knows how to guide those traumatized by betrayal through the 5 stages of healing where we again become healthy, whole, and are back on solid ground. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we've experienced betrayal, and it hurts. It's also easy to get stuck in betrayal, making it a story that defines us instead of learning and choosing to move on.  Dr. Silber reminds us that rebuilding after betrayal is indeed a choice. As we say in Brilliantly Resilient terms, "Are you just visiting your crisis, or are you going to live there?"   In this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, Dr. Silber not only defines betrayal, but walks us through the 5 stages of healing to help us move towards "healing, rebirth, and a new worldview." (Tune in at the 18:38 minute mark to hear about the 5 stages.) Tune in for more from Dr. Silber in this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional Brilliance Bits: Betrayal lends itself to creating a new identity. Rebuilding is a choice. Hope is not a strategy. There's a collection of symptoms (physical/mental/emotional) so common to betrayal it's known as Post Betrayal Syndrome. Betrayal is a very different type of trauma. It feels personal. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! MFB & KS

Episode 149: How to Make Change By Setting Impossible Goals, with Jeremy Grater of The Fit Mess Podcast

It's about doing it. It's not about anything else. It's not about the goal. Pick a goal that you will never achieve but start putting into place each step and focus on the ladder rungs. One action at a time. ~ Jeremy Grater "This is the year."  How many times have you told yourself (especially at the start of a new year), that this would be the year you would…lose weight, get a new job, start your own business, write that book….? The list goes on, as does the number of times we make promises to ourselves and fail. When we believe something will benefit us, why do we fail continually, making us feel even worse about not achieving those ever-elusive goals?  Jeremy Grater, joining Brilliantly Resilient as one half of the dynamic duo hosting The Fit Mess podcast along with partner Zach Tucker, knows a bit about not achieving goals. Beginning their podcast journey as two guys who talked beer and jokes, Jeremy and Zach soon realized that something was missing, and it began with their health. Both were determined not to just talk about fitness, but to achieve it, and as Jeremy tells it, that required two things: curiosity and action. And as far as goals, Jeremy has some interesting advice–set impossible goals and focus on one ladder rung at a time. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that goals can be helpful–and exhausting. Breaking them down into micro-actions that we eventually won't resist is a brilliant way to make progress. Tune in to hear more from Jeremy and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance Start with curiosity. Why do you want to make this change? You can't say "This is the year," because it's not. Change has to start with small steps. Do that one thing every day until it becomes a habit. Take the smallest incremental steps until it becomes the thing you don't have to fight against What can I do to prepare for who I want to become and the way I want to live? If you sit around waiting for the perfect moment, the opportunity is going to pass.   Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! Kristin & Mary Fran

Episode 148: How to Keep Monogamy Hot, with ”Swing” Author Ashleigh Renard

"I really think that none of us has to be as scared of ourselves as we are. We don't have to be worried that we're going to turn into monsters." ~ Ashleigh Renard Are you married or in a long-term relationship? Have you ever thought about what life would be like if you weren't in that relationship? If we're honest, most of us have had moments where we fantasize about being free of obligations–and sometimes, that even means a marriage. But rather than examine why we're feeling that way, we shame ourselves into acting like everything is okay, even when it isn't. Ashleigh Renard, this week's guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, notes that feeling like something is missing doesn't make us awful people. In fact, we're obligated to pause and consider what we want, what's working and what isn't–for everyone's sake. When we're honest, we can fix things, not just so they're better, but great. Through her book Swing and her Keeping It Hot viral video series, Ashleigh offers tips and strategies about how to stay connected, renegotiate marriage and most importantly, keep monogamy hot! (Whhaaattt???!!!)  Hilarious and heartfelt, Ashleigh is full of wit and wisdom and urges us to ditch the martyr-mom (twin sister of the supermom), and pay attention to ourselves. (She took her first step to personally do so by promising to heed her body and go to the bathroom when she needed to. Any other women out there holding it until you're ready to burst because someone needs something from you? Raise your hands, ladies!) Hear more from Ashleigh on this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: We take action on autopilot because we don't have to make decisions. It feels safer; you don't want to rock the boat. So often we push away from each other because we are pushing away from ourselves. Have radical compassion for yourself. Maybe there is no bad guy here. The only way to move is to be on your path and say, 'I'd like you to join me.' But we can't go back and try to pull them along. So often we push away from each other because we are pushing away from ourselves. Ashleigh Renard (https://ashleighrenard.com/) Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! Kristin and Mary Fran

Episode 147: How to Support Our Health Care Workers, with State Board of Nursing and PCNP Member Donald Bucher!

There's a perception about what nurses do and there's what nurses actually do. Nursing needs to start talking about itself. Every healthcare consumer should understand what nurses do. Visibility is key. ~Donald Bucher Do you feel safe and respected while doing your job? Most of us would say, "Of course." While we might not have the perfect working environment, we don't go to work with the expectation that we might be abused verbally or physically on any given day. Not so with nurses. One study noted that almost 90% of nurses reported experiencing some type of abuse at work–mostly at the hands of patients or their families.  It was only a few short years ago that we greeted health care workers with applause, celebration and gratitude. Yet, even then, the politicization of Covid left many nurses on the receiving end of anger and frustration, and nurses still bear the brunt of patient dissatisfaction and fear today. Donald Bucher, a registered Nurse Practitioner and this week's guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, is an advocate for those in the nursing profession. Upbeat, positive and empathetic, Don still recognizes the need for the public to know just how hard nurses really work, and he wants the nursing community to speak up both to educate others and protect themselves. Respect for others, as well as ourselves, is at the core of a civilized society. Everyone has the right to expect civility, especially while doing a life-saving job. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, respect is a core principle in how we treat each other, regardless of any differences we may encounter.  Tune in to this week's episode to hear more from Don and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: The nurses are the ones standing there for 12 hours a day picking up on things with patients that help save your loved one. It's a difficult time to be in healthcare. Nurses love what we do, but it's hard. You're asked to do much more with less time. It's hard. We have to remember that when you're interacting with a family, they're having the worst day of their lives. But nurses still need to feel respected and safe. The voices (of nurses) needed to be louder during Covid. I challenge nurses to join their organizations to make that voice louder. ~ Donald Bucher (https://www.pacnp.org/) Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! Kristin and Mary Fran

Episode 146: How to Look Forward and Rebuild Life After Incarceration with Jeffrey Abamowitz

I needed to understand why this happened to me and think about what was next. Life is all about what you do on the second climb  ~ Jeffrey Abramowitz Have you ever made a mistake? One that changed your life, and not for the better? We all make mistakes, but usually, we do so without ill intent. Mistakes, by their nature, aren't intentional. We don't mean to screw up. That's why Jeffrey Abramowitz, this week's guest on the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, makes a distinction. Having spent five years in prison for a financial crime, Jeffrey notes that he made a choice that led to consequences. Consequences that changed his life forever. Jeffrey learned much while serving his sentence, and it brought him to his true purpose, to advocate for justice and education for those reentering society after incarceration. Jeffrey learned that two things are essential to successfully rebuild a life--responsibility and education. Once Jeffrey accepted his responsibility for his own actions, he dedicated himself to a life helping others, teaching inmates while serving his sentence and advocating for education to prepare inmates to re-enter society and build a life. Jeffrey encourages others to look forward and gives them the skills to do just that. By acknowledging our responsibility for our choices, we empower ourselves to move forward. Tune in to hear more about Jeffrey's mission and listen for these additional bits of brilliance: "I don't think any of us should spend time looking in the rear-view mirror. We can learn lessons, but we need to look forward." "It took me to really lose everything before I learned the lessons I needed to learn. But then I could define what the next chapter of my life could be." "We have to bring humanity back into our system, but the self-responsibility piece is the first thing you have to accept. I opened a door and I needed to accept everything that happened after that." "It's simple if you take just one little step. Turn the chair around." (Listen for this super-cool story!) ~ Jeffrey Abramowitz (https://www.jeffrey-abramowitz.com/) Let's be Brilliantly resilient together! KS & MFB

Episode 145: How to De-Clutter and Make Space for Happiness, with Tracy McCubbin

Your home is a tool. If your home is cluttered, it's not working for you. De-cluttering is not about being perfect. It's about making your house work for you as an asset to make room for happiness. ~ Tracy McCubbin We're just a few days into 2023, and if you're like us here at Brilliantly Resilient, your brain is already racing with goals and to-do's for the coming year. Like most people, we're raring to go and looking forward to crushing it in the New Year. But first, it's time to put away all of the lovely holiday decor that bejeweled our homes for the last five or six weeks. Funny, though, how those things that sparkled a short while ago now make rooms seem tired, dusty, and cluttered. Our friend Tracy McCubbin is the perfect person to help us begin 2023 by decluttering our homes and mindsets with some fundamental ideas and actions aimed at making our surroundings work for us, not against us. As Tracy advises, when we think of our homes as a tool meant to help us, it allows us to more clearly see what's working and what isn't–and what can be loaded into the donate or discard pile. So much that we hold on to no longer serves us. When we make room for more in our lives by decluttering, the space becomes mental as well as physical, and change becomes exponential. Tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Tracy's wisdom and be sure to check out her new book, Make Space for Happiness: How to Stop Attracting Clutter and Start Magnetizing the Life You Want . Listen for these additional bits of Brilliance from Tracy in the episode: I saw the choke-hold that people's stuff can have on them. Don't become a museum to the past. The more clutter you have, the more your cortisol goes up. Clutter is a constant to-do list. And the more decisions your brain makes, the more tired it gets. If you couple the source of your happiness to your stuff and it goes away, where are you? Start with your "why." Why are you decluttering? Keep your why positive. And start with the easy things. Things you can declutter in 5 minutes. ~Tracy McCubbin Wishing you all good things in 2023. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!