Brilliantly Resilient

Episode 214: How to Manage--and Change!--Chronic Pain with Pain Reprocessing Therapy and Patty Tashiro

"Acute and chronic pain are processed in different parts of the brain. If you aren't healing and are still in pain, it's possible that your brain has established learned neural pathways that can continue to cause pain, which becomes chronic." Patty Tashiro ~ Natural Brain Solutions Is your brain keeping you in pain? The emotional responses we have to trauma--which often stay with us--can trigger the brain to continue to send a physical pain response in our bodies. Huh? Isn't pain caused by a physical issue in the body? Well, yes. Unless it isn't. Patty Tashiro experienced a mother's nightmare when her daughter and her husband were rear-ended by a speeding car--and Patty, on the phone with her daughter, heard the whole thing.  Patty's daughter, 10 at the time, had a severe brain bleed, but miraculously survived her injuries. Yet, despite her body healing from obvious physical injury, Patty's daughter continued to suffer from debilitating pain, confounding doctors.   Finding no help from traditional physicians (One doctor told Patty that if her daughter "wasn't barfing, she should be in school,") Patty began researching and discovered Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, which utilizes the brain's ability to "rewire" itself (neuroplasticity) to help those suffering to reprocess trauma and reduce the brain's reaction--thus lessening chronic pain. Patty continued exploring similar options and is now certified in brain health coaching and Pain Reprocessing Therapy.   Clearly, seeking alternative help for her daughter required Patty to change her thinking and be willing to look at things differently. Here at Brilliantly Reseilient, we refer to seeing the world through a different "lens," being open to new ideas, experiences and opportunities to grow--and heal. To learn more, visit Patty's website and tune in to this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast for these additional bits of wisdom:   What is the brain's role in perpetuating pain? Our nervous systems are completely different depending on our life experiences.... How is your nervous system working--for you or against you? The brain is misreading friendly signals as danger, which can cause us to "learn" chronic pain over time. Neural pathways can create pain that becomes chronic. Your emotions or trauma can create physical pain in your body. If you are not healing, you may have moved into chronic pain. Your brain is misreading chronic signals as bad and perpetuating pain. Neuroplastic pain can be malleable. It can be changed. So how can we train our brain to feel safe?  You are worth healing. If you're lying in your bed in pain, you're not able to share your gifts, and we need you! You can heal. And you can become Brilliantly Resilient. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

Episode 213: How to Expand Diversity and Inclusion to Include Everyone, with Toby Mildon

"There is diversity within diversity itself. Even people with shared disabilities have different experiences. We are all diverse. Diversity includes everyone." ~ Toby Mildon, Author of Inclusive Growth: Future-proof Your Business by Creating a Diverse Workspace, and Building Inclusivity: Making Your Workplace Equitable, Diverse and Inclusive   How many people in the world are exactly like you? EXACTLY like you, no differences. The answer is no one. Every single person, because of countless factors including genetics, personal experiences, education, inherent skills--the list is endless--is unique.  Toby Mildon, author and DEI expert, notes that when we broaden our definition of diversity to include everyone's unique skills and circumstances, and provide access in our workplaces for all to succeed, we "can increase creativity and innovation and problem solving because you have people with different perspectives and experiences." A wheelchair user for his entire life, Toby notes his personal experience with diversity, but also suggests that we must begin to think about other, less obvious aspects of diversity. Toby suggests that one of the keys to making DEI all-inclusive is finding commonalities and synergies between different groups. Toby says: "When we stop labeling groups and identifying them by a particular issue and realize everyone has the issue to some degree, implementing changes can benefit everyone in an organization," --a unifying benefit of DEI that uplifts the entire organization. At Brilliantly Resilient, we recognize the benefits of diversity and inclusion, both on a large scale and within our own lives. Seeking out others with different experiences, perspectives and talents helps us learn, grow and evolve--a key to living a Brilliantly Resilient life. Learn more about Toby on his website, and find his books here. Tune in for more of Toby's wisdom on this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: I've been on a Diversity and Inclusion journey myself. I've been a wheelchair user all my life. I have personal experience with diversity.... We have to be thinking about other aspects of diversity. Individuals are individuals. Everyone has their different starting points. You need to provide personalized adjustments and ways of working to level the playing field. When we stop labeling groups and identifying them by a particular issue and realize everyone has the issue to some degree, implementing changes can benefit everyone in an organization. If we take a social model of thinking into the workplace, we can ask ourselves what are the barriers people are facing? What roadblocks are in the way of people succeeding? We need to address those issues.... It's access to opportunities. When you recognize that the adversity that has kept people out is also what has allowed them to develop the skills that will bring value to the organization, we realize we need to even further expand our idea of diversity. You need to swiftly engage the senior management team and get them crystal clear on why DEI is important to the future of THEIR business.... Start with the organization's vision and mission and then move on to see how DEI will help them grow. A diverse workforce can increase creativity, innovation and problem solving because you have people with different perspectives and experiences. If people are too similar, you end up with "Group Think" and blind spots. Are we creating the environment of inclusion in companies where everyone can thrive? As an employer, you have a unique place in society to create a ripple effect. If you create an inclusive place to work where individuals can thrive, you can also affect society. It all starts with the opportunity to go to work and earn a living. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran  

Episode 212: Advocating for Kids Without ”a Voice,” with TeamChild’s Christina Sorenson

The Maasai tribe of Africa greets one another by saying "How are the children?" We have to recognize that all the children in our community are our children. Christina Sorenson Attorney and Advocate for Foster Children at TeamChild   Christina Sorenson was in 15 different foster care homes from ages five to fifteen. Separated from her sister and eventually adopted at age fifteen, Christina has made it her life's work to provide legal and supportive aid for children and young adults in foster care. An attorney at TeamChild in Seattle, WA, Christina has thoughtfully incorporated her own life experiences into her mission, bringing compassion, empathy and insights into the struggles of those in a foster system that frequently denies them a voice.  Being a "foster kid" is often deeply traumatic, and this trauma can have a lasting effect, especially on a child. According to Christina, statistics show that kids in foster care experience PTSD at twice the rate of veterans who served in active combat. Having little to no personal agency to fight for themselves, kids in foster care can be further traumatized and therefore must rely on others to step in to advocate for them. Creating a supportive tribe is one of the bedrocks of living a Brilliantly Resilient life. As adults, we can cultivate relationships on our own, but it is our personal responsibility to assist and protect the young people in our communities who may have no one to help their voices be heard. Community engagement is essential to healthy lives both as individuals and as part of a group. One of the simplest ways to engage, according to Christina, is to become an empathetic listener and respect the voices of our children, thus becoming part of the solution. Tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to learn more about Christina's important work and for tips about how to get involved. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of Christina's Brilliance: Integrating it (my experience) into my identiy now as a part of who I am is exactly how I can bring that lived experience and perspective and empathy...it allows me to listen to others and their experiences in a different way. I try to bring in the general public by story telling. I thought I could do it through the science and the research, but nothing changed. I had to figure out how to do it and it's through telling the stories of these kids. The number one way to make sure a child will have resilience or succeed is if there is someone who deeply cares about them. And it doesn't have to be the same person all of the time. I remember at different times different people deeply caring about me. Resiliency does require community action. I needed the safety net of a community because as a child, sometimes the step you take is right off a cliff. We want resiliency to have a destination but we have to realize it is an ongoing journey. We need to give children the space to talk about the things happening to them and laying a foundation of trust. And we need to affirm their reality and what's happening in their lives. Reach out to Christina at: christinasorenson@teamchild.org. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

Episode 211: How to Live with a ”Pilgrim’s Heart” with Christine Eberle

"Be where you are on the way to where you want to be going." ~ Christine Eberle, Author: Finding God Along the Way "Be where you are on the way to where you want to be going." Um...huh? The above sounds like a riddle, doesn't it? Then again, isn't life a kind of riddle we try to figure out every day? Christine Eberle, author of Finding God Along the Way, decided to seek clarity in answering life's riddle by undertaking a journey--literally and figuratively--as she and her husband walked the Camino of St. Ignatius Loyola in 2022. For the uninitiated, the Camino (there are two--one of St. James and one of St. Ignatius), is a walking pilgrimage along the paths travelled by the saints as they experienced their conversions and deepened their relationship with God. In modern times, walking the Camino is a journey of discovery and peace undertaken by those seeking the same. Those who travel the Camino consider themselves pilgrims--traveling the journey for spiritual growth and learning. Often, more human connections are formed as well, as Christine discovered. Undertaking the 676,000 step trek (with accompanying pain every day), Christine wanted to learn to live life "with a pilgrim's heart," meaning "We have a destination, and the destination is fixed, but we are very present to where we are in the given moment," Christine explains. In Brilliantly Resilient terms, this translates to several core concepts: Do not be married to outcomes, and let go of what "should be" to make room for what "could be." As we plan our life journeys and our desired outcomes, we must be willing to evolve. Do what you have to do but be willing to let the moments evolve as you move, perhaps slowly, towards where you want to be. Christine found some of her most moving experiences were with those who helped her in her vulnerable moments during the days she was forced to rest--not part of her plan. As we walk into 2025, consider your own journey with intention. Determine your destination, but allow for growth and change--and perhaps open yourself to some spiritual guidance along the way. Learn more about Christine Eberle here, get the book, and be sure to tune into this week's podcast and listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: It's being fixed. Having your destination fixed, but also being very present to exactly where you are. The goal in pilgrimage is to be where you are on the way to where you know your want to be going. We shouldn't fix our desires on (our definitions of success) or failure. Instead of fixing our desires, even those should float freely because our free floating desires can reveal God's deep desires for us. Of all the hopes and imaginings that preceded what is (currently) happening, open yourself to the grace that's being offered through the reality of what is (currently) happening. There is grace in the blisters. So there is a beauty in vulnerability that can allow us to grow if we will recognize that it's not a failure. (MF) Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

Episode 210: How to ”Be Better” in 2025, with Mary Fran Bontempo

I came down to those two words. Be better. I think if we can boil it down to something, 'Be better' might be the most that we should be asking of ourselves. ~ Mary Fran Bontempo, Author 'From Broken to Brilliant: How to Live a Brilliantly Resilient Life'    It's 2025. How are you feeling about that? I find the time right after Christmas to be a bit challenging. After a month of being jolly buying, planning, decorating, eating, drinking, visiting with family and friends, suddenly it's over. And sure, New Year's Eve is fun, but it's also accompanied by that feeling of 'Oh my God, now I have to improve myself again.' Enter the dreaded New Year's Resolution. I've never been a fan of New Year's Resolutions (caps to emphasize the IMPORTANCE of them!). Usually, we end up expecting gargantuan feats of ourselves that we would never ask of anyone else--often dooming us to failure. Given that I'm at an age where I'm tempted to dismiss the whole thing, I'd like to, but I can't. I'm committed to living a Brilliantly Resilient life. Quitting entirely is not in the game plan. However, I do believe we must be more gentle with ourselves, in all of our human frailty. To that end, I've settled on two words for my 2025 resolution: Be Better. By simply resolving to be better, I'm afforded endless opportunities each day to improve in small ways, which bundled together, can create profound change. Each time I attempt to be better, I am living the Brilliantly Resilient concept of taking small, imperfect actions to move forward. So much easier and more life-affirming than trying to remake myself, which, let's be honest, isn't going to happen. (I will, however, try to be better when driving behind some soul who seems to have forgotten where the gas pedal is. Patience is not my strong suit.) As we enter 2025, be kinder to yourself, and resolve to Be Better. It's doable, and will create wins in every day. And do more that makes you happy. We all deserve that. Finally, thank you with sincere gratitude for your support of me and Brilliantly Resilient. It means more than I can say to share this powerful message for good and I am beyond appreciative. Tune in to hear more brilliance (yes, mine--remember to pat yourself on the back regularly, too!) on this week's podcast and check out the new book for a great start to 2025.   For me the time right after Christmas is a little bit hard. We've been so jolly and spirited for a month with buying and planning and family and friends and cooking and the lights and everything else, and then all of a sudden it's over. And sure, New Year's Eve is fun. But it's also accompanied by that feeling of 'Oh my God, now I have to improve myself again.' If we can be a little bit better every time we catch ourselves doing something that we don't like about ourselves...we can decide that's not the way we want to live.  Mindfulness means being where you are. Be in that moment and just in that moment, try to be better.  Come up with little short questions. Am I being better right now? Is this what I really want for myself right now? Am I here where I am right now? Be here and be better, instead of thinking about remaking yourself. Look back through your calendar of the last year. And review that. See the events that you went to see the things that you did and look at the ones that really made you happy. (Thank you, Fran Hauser!) I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season. I hope that the new year is full of light and joy and love and purpose and health and happiness for all of us.   As we enter 2025, I thank you again and wish you every joy and blessing. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran Mary Fran Bontempo is an award-winning 2-time TEDx and Keynote speaker, workshop presenter, author, humorist and podcast host who teaches audiences to uncover their Brilliance and Resilience 15 minutes at a time. A sought-after speaker for ERGs, BRGs, DEI, conference and association events, Mary Fran is author of From Broken to Brilliant: How to Live a Brilliantly Resilient Life, The 15 Minute Master, The Woman's Book of Dirty Words and co-founder of the life-changing program Brilliantly Resilient. To bring Mary Fran to your company or organization, visit www.brilliantlyresilient.net.

Episode 209: Mindfulness and Honoring the Pause with Shawnta Hooks

"I needed to embark on a journey to reclaim my connection, both personally and professionally." Shawnta Hooks ~ Leading Belonging and Mindfulness Speaker. Shawnta Hooks was never a believer in meditation or mindfulness. Working in accounting and corporate compliance during her 20 year corporate career, Shawnta found herself in a toxic work environment after a company reorganization, feeling completely disconnected, unseen and unheard. Her first instinct was to lay blame on the company, until she realized it wasn't entirely her work environment that was causing her challenges. Having just lost her father and become a new mom, Shawnta realized that she was not only disconnected from her work, she was disconnected from herself. Aware of a "crushing pressure to contatntly perform," both professionally an personally, Shawnta realized she had some work to do, and set out to learn how to reconnect to her world. Her search led her to meditation and mindfulness, and "honoring the pause"--that moment of neutrality between our thoughts and actions, when we can more accurately assess our feelings and behaviors. Now a leading authority in building connection and mindfulness in corporate America, Shawnta notes that while words like mindfulness and authenticity may not seem to fit into business, many organizations are embracing the opportunity to help their employees find connection through mindfulness, or as Shawnta notes, "Paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, without judgement." Being Brilliantly Resilient requires checking our perceptions and telling ourselves the truth, which fits well with Shawnta's advice. During this hectic time of year, consider beginning a meditation practice, even of only a few minutes a day. Seek mindfulness and neutrality, avoiding judgements (especially as emotions run high around the holidays.) Check out this week's podcast to hear more of Shawnta's Brilliance. Visit her website at https://www.shawntahooks.com/ and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: There is a huge impact that moments of calm can have on your productivity, on your focus, on your ability to operate at peak performance. When employees feel more connected to their environments, they produce greater results and one way that you can get employees to feel connected to their environment is to help them learn how to be connected to the present moment. Belonging requires connection and you can't do that if you stay in your own little box. For me, belonging is really when you, as an individual feel heard and supported in your environment. Just because you think a thought doesn't mean you have to believe it. This is about honoring your emotions. Emotions are clues. By not honoring that, you're missing an opportunity to connect with another. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

Episode 208: New Book! From Broken to Brilliant: How to Live a Brilliantly Resilient Life, with Mary Fran Bontempo

You have everything in you already to live a Brilliantly Resilient life. You have Resilience and you have your own personal Brilliance. It's already there. You were born with both of those things. ~ Mary Fran Bontempo, Author, From Broken to Brilliant: How to Live a Brilliantly Resilient Life Have you uncovered your Resilience yet? Since Covid, we've been reminded constantly about the need for resilience, as though every day, we must gird for battle before we wander into the unknown terrors of the world. Truthfully, that scenario doesn't seem that far-fetched anymore. If you've followed Brilliantly Resilient for any amount of time, you know I believe that life can hit hard, and unexpectedly. Almost everyone can offer a story to back that up. The good news is that we already have everything we need within us to not only navigate life's challenges with Resilience, but we can discover our Brilliance within those challenges as well. My new book, From Broken to Brilliant: How to Live a Brilliantly Resilient Life, provides a roadmap to learn how to Reset with Resilience, Rise through challenges, and Reveal your Brilliance—a Brilliance that shows itself when it feels like things can't get much worse. As I come up on the five-year anniversary of the founding of Brilliantly Resilient, I'm more convinced than ever that the simple steps in the Reset, Rise and Reveal process can guide anyone through rough times, and provide the light we need to move forward. The book contains not only my thoughts, but the generously shared wit and wisdom provided by over 30 Brilliantly Resilient podcast guests, who, in their own words, affirm that a Brilliantly Resilient life can be ours if we live with intention. In addition to much shared wisdom, the book offers some thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter—for you to navigate YOUR challenges. Because yes, this is all about YOU. From Broken to Brilliant is now available on Amazon, and makes a perfect holiday gift. Check out this podcast for more info, or head over to www.brilliantlyresilient.net or www.maryfranbontempo.com. And be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance (if I do say so myself!!!) This book is the road map. It gives you steps that are so simple and easy and what you're going to realize is that you're already doing this stuff. You're already doing it, you just have to be intentional about it. Recognize that you're doing it (being Brilliantly Resilient) and build that foundation from that. When we experience a big crisis, we want a big solution. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. You don't get the big solution with a big crisis. A crisis is solved by small, imperfect action steps. Failure becomes associated with shame, and we forget that failure is part of resilience. You have to try things. You have to get up and try them again. But when we associate failure with shame, then we don't try. And that's when we forget that we have this inborn resilience. There's no judgment about what your crisis or your challenges are. There's no judgment because it's yours. Everything that you're going through refers back to you. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. It's your crisis. The reset with resilience encompasses 3 things. It encompasses your values. It encompasses your perception or your perspective, and it encompasses controlling the controllables. Build your tribe. You can't be brilliantly resilient in a vacuum. You need to access your tribe. Taking imperfect action means you are willing to recognize that the actions not perfect, and guess what? The outcome is not probably going to be. Buy the book and do let me know what you think. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! Best, Mary Fran

Episode 207: Finding the Brilliance and Resilience in Generational Relationships with ”Gentelligence” Author, Dr. Megan Gerhardt

Let's have smarter intergenerational conversations. Let's be OK and not threatened by the fact that you see this differently than me. Let's figure out why and how that could actually be helpful and beneficial.  Dr. Megan Gerhardt Author of Gentelligence: The Revolutionary Approach to Leading an Intergenerational Workforce Do you work with people of different generations? Do you live with people of different generations? Do you have public contact with people of different generations?  Unless you live alone on an island, the answer to at least one, if not all, of these questions is yes. And in your interactions with those of different generations, it's almost certain that you've experienced some form generational conflict. Dr. Megan Gerhardt is a Professor of Management and Leadership at the Farmer School of Business at Miami University, and the author of Gentelligence: The Revolutionary Approach to Leading an Intergenerational Workforce. As an expert in generational differences, Dr. Gerhardt teaches individuals and corporations simple, effective strategies for not only bridging the generation gap, but encouraging all generations to bring their particular resilience and brilliance to create connection and build respect.  According to Dr. Gerhardt, the best way to build connections is by asking respectful questions. The best question to ask? "Can you help me understand?" By phrasing the question in a non-judgmental way, Dr. Gerhardt says, "I'm signaling that what you're doing is not making sense to me, but I'm acknowledging it might in part be my understanding of what's going on. And I would love to get to a different place." Given that every generation brings their own skills, knowledge and perspective to the table, respect and inclusivity can result in more understanding and better solutions to problems, especially when everyone brings their own experiences, resilience and brilliance along. For more on Gentelligence, tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, order the book, and look for these additional bits of Brilliance: I am a organizational psychologist really by training. So my nature is to always be curious about people, why they do what they do, how do we help them leverage what's unique about them in order to help them do work they care about and add value. How do we change the narrative so that instead of shaming people for being born in a different generation…they're starting their career at a different time. We are really trying to learn from those complementary experiences and kinds of expertise and we're taking advantage of it. Every few years there's an article that comes out saying, let's stop putting people in generational categories…I don't think that's the answer…. It's better than being biased against people because of their age or their generation, but then you're ignoring all of that wonderful, very valid difference that comes with growing up and starting your career during a different period of time and a different period in history. And that's real. Let's have smarter intergenerational conversations. Let's be OK and not threatened by the fact that you see this differently than me. Let's figure out why and how that could actually be helpful and beneficial.  If I ask you a question and that feels very respectful. I'm not assuming I'm not judging, I'm asking because I'm interested. You're worth it. I think there's something of value there that I want to engage with. And then there's learning and hopefully that's reciprocated.  Is there a question that works universally? Absolutely. My favorite one…is "Can you help me understand?" I'm signaling that what you're doing is not making sense to me, but I'm acknowledging it might in part be my understanding of what's going on. And I would love to get to a different place. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran  

Episode 206: How to Mourn the Loss of a Sibling with Annie Orenstein, Author of Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourners Guide to Grief

No one checks in on them, right? They often delay their own grief, put off their own mourning in order to support their parents and step up. But then? They remain there and they never really get a turn to express their own grief, or to be the mourner in the room. Annie Orenstein ~ Author of  Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner's Guide to Grief    Do you have a sibling? Most of us do. And according to author, Annie Orenstein, as children, we often spend more time with our siblings than with our parents. Yet as we grow, our sibling relationships are pushed to the background as we form other adult relationships in our lives. So what do you do when a sibling dies? In her new book, Always a Sibling: The Forgotten Mourner's Guide to Grief Annie recognizes the painful, difficult role of a remaining sibling when losing a brother or sister. Our siblings are the only true witnesses to so much of our childhoods and who, "understand the workings of our families." If the sibling dies before parents, grieving is even more fraught as the remaining sibling feels the need to lessen the parents' burden. Further, the death of a sibling is often met with the question, "Were you close?" as though the answer allows the degree of acceptable mourning. Annie notes that the simplest gift we can give someone who has lost a sibling is to ask, "What was their name?" to allow the sharing of memories. Annie recognized the need to address such questions when finding little to guide her through the loss of her own brother. As she explores the stages of grief, she breaks down experiences in sections noting life with, without, and finally within, as she met both her grief and her joy in life with her sibling in this poignant and funny (yes, funny!) read. Such fundamental change is a part of life, but knowing that doesn't make it easier. Part of living a Brilliantly Resilient life is facing such challenges and finding the way through that's best for you, regardless of "what's expected."  For more of Annie's wisdom, tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: Siblings should be naturally our longest shared relationship because we meet them before we meet our partners and if things go naturally, our relationship continues after the loss of our parents. Statistics show that in childhood, siblings spend more time together than with their parents.  We shared our childhood with these people. They are in many instances the only other people who remember our childhood and who understand the inner workings of our family, who understand our parents, for good, bad, or ugly.,  It is terrifying to see your parents lose a child and to see that kind of deep grief. And it's known as a double loss because you really do lose your parents to some extent in that loss, because they're never the same. Someone will ask how your parents are doing but not ask how you're doing. They are really well meaning, but what you take away is, 'Oh. were we close enough that I'm allowed to grieve? Am I? Why is no one asking if I'm OK? I guess I'm supposed to be. The simplest question you can ask someone who has lost a sibling is, 'What was their name?' You don't get to say their name anymore. It feels good to say their name again. Ask how they lived, not how they died.  Be sure to buy Annie's wonderful book, and let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

Episode 205: Empowering Those Who Stutter, with Nolan Stuttering Foundation President, Brian Nolan

"I'm trying to open stutter more. Because I I've reached a level of of acceptance that I'm proud of, but I'm nowhere near where I need to be. I interview people on podcasts who openly stutter, and I'm so proud of them because they do it without shame and that's the real issue. The real issue is shame, every day, when you stutter." Brian Nolan President and Co-founder, Nolan Stuttering Foundation   Have you ever heard someone stutter? If you don't stutter, it can be uncomfortable to know how to react. Do you try and finish the person's sentence? Do you look away? Do you simply wait?  While a non-stutterer may be at a loss, according to Brian Nolan, a life-long stutterer and President of the Nolan Stuttering Foundation, a non-stutterer's discomfort pales in comparison to the shame, embarrassment and pain of someone who stutters. As humans, speech is our major means of communication, one we generally take for granted. But as a stutterer, Brian notes, "Especially as a kid, every day you wake up, you think through the lens of someone who stutters and you think about the people you're going to have to see, how you're going to have to talk in class. Am I going to have to read? And you're like, I just have to get by the day, every day." For those who stutter, the stress of having to plan every moment of a day's communication seems simply unbearable. Stuttering isolates individuals, from childhood throughout every experience in life. Having gone through every challenge personally, Brian and his co-founder, Joseph Donaher, created the Nolan Stuttering Foundation (NSF) to help teens and young adults who stutter prepare for major transitions in their lives while persevering through challenges to become the best version of themselves. Those who don't stutter can help, too. When encountering someone who stutters, Brian advises we "look, listen, and give the gift of 100% attention." As Brian says, "We who stutter, we have grit. We who stutter, we have empathy. We who stutter, listen carefully. And we stay in a conversation." The rest of us can respond in kind. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that we can find our Brilliance in our challenges, but it's rarely easy. When we respond to others with patience, empathy and understanding, we can not only help others find their Brilliance, but uncover some gifts of our own. Tune  in to this week's podcast to hear more of Brian's wisdom and be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: Stuttering is a neurological disorder and the part that's miss understood is people think you stutter because you're nervous. Two-thirds of the people who have it, it goes away by the time they are 7 or 8. The 1/3 of the people who get it and it doesn't go away by 7-8, it's not curable. Ever.  I'm a public speaker. I talk for a living. If you would have asked me when I was 16 if I was going to do that, I would have said oh, wow. Fact is my dad said, Brian, think about being a computer programmer because you don't have to talk to people. And that was really, really, really, really sad for me. Because you see, I pretended to be an introvert because that meant that I wouldn't have to talk much.  People who stutter, they get that look from people who are looking at them like what's wrong with him. And so they they look away…or they finish our sentences. That gives us more shame.  I am still so uncomfortable stuttering on this podcast. I will switch a word and you won't even know it because I'm so good at switching words. But there's shame in that, because I can't say the word (I want to use) now.  You can actually order something you don't even want. Can I tell you how many times that happens? Yeah. You  order a coffee because you can say coffee and because you don't think the person in front of you is gonna have the patience or you don't want to be embarrassed. No one talks about stuttering in families. It's the biggest secret everybody knows about. And maybe if we don't talk about it, it'll go away. And that makes it worse. Now my biggest fear is that a young kid is not going to go to college or not apply for a job because they're afraid of the interview process. So now I run workshops for kids who stutter. We practice interview skills, we practice disclosure. This most important thing you could do is to disclose. Hey, it may take me a little longer to get things out because I stutter, but it doesn't mean I don't know my stuff. The people who stutter need to stop being covert, and they need to reach out and get involved with one of the many stuttering foundations that are out there like the Nolan stuttering.  Be sure to check out the Nolan Stuttering Foundation. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran