Brilliantly Resilient

Episode 194: How to Take Your Power Back with Dr. Jennifer Gardella

Brilliantly Resilient is back!! After some much needed time off, B.R. is back with new episodes, amazing guests, and more inspiration for you to live a Brilliantly Resilient life. Let us know what you think and reach out at howdy@brilliantlyresilient.net. Be sure to check out www.brilliantlyresilient.net for more! And now, on with the show! Who is to say my day is worth nothing? Take your power back and say "I get to choose." ~ Dr. Jennifer Gardella Are you an entrepreneur or just starting a business? Do you have an area of expertise that has value in the business marketplace? Or are you a "professional volunteer" expected to put up your hand every time someone needs something? It's often difficult to put a value on what we do, particularly if you are just starting a business or do work in an area with societal impact. It's not unusual for people to expect you to give your time or products away for free, or minimal value, especially if you are a woman. (It's hard to believe a man would be asked to give of his time or work for free.) And if you are a known volunteer, it can often feel like your life is up for grabs for anyone who needs anything. On this week's episode, Dr. Jennifer Gardella shares important insights on how to value your work and your time, starting with learning to value yourself.  Dr. Gardella notes that setting boundaries is the first step in taking back your power--and not everyone is going to like it. When we put up boundaries, those who are used to having us behave in a certain way (read--be available on their terms) won't be happy when told, "No." But a little pain will be worth a lot of gain--for you. Tune in for a strategy to accomplish your personal power grab (Awareness, education, empowerment and growth), and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: You have to get paid for your expertise. You can still do things for free, but you get to choose what and when. Awareness and education lead to empowerment and growth. Your business and personal lives are very enmeshed. Where are your boundaries? You have the right to say, "This is how I'm spending my time." Be ready to acknowledge that things are not working. Dig deep and keep asking "Why?" Learn more about Dr. Gardella at jennifergardella.com. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran

Episode 193: How to Create Activism Through Story-Telling, with ”Live Through This” Author, Kristen McGuiness

Storytelling is a Trojan horse, with our activism inside. It's a much gentler approach to guide someone to a wider lens of understanding, compassion and empathy. ~ Kristen McGuiness Have you ever felt "changed" by a book? Those who love to read–and write–know what it's like to become lost in a story, feeling along with characters and experiencing their trials and triumphs along with them. Kristen McGuiness, founder of Rise Publishing and author of Live Through This, believes in the power of storytelling as a tool to create understanding and change while building alliances for the greater good. An activist against injustice from a young age after losing her father to a long prison sentence, Kristen believes in storytelling as a way to share experiences and encourage others to see a different point of view.  Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we believe that broadening perceptions to include those of others is part of building resilience. When we are willing to look through a different lens, we learn and grow, as well as create alliances with others. Tune into this week's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Kristen's wisdom and pick up your copy of Live Through This. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: Books aren't banned because people are 'afraid of turning gay,' for example. They're banned because we recognize that story connects us and the fear is that a perspective will be changed and you'll become an ally of something others don't like or endorse. If we have the desire to write, we are often writing from a place of pain or hardship, and of someone who has had to overcome that. That is always a story of justice to me and of justice being served in some way. The systems in which we live, like a five day work week with only two days off, can keep us from feeling we have the time to be socially active. We need to make a choice to build more justice in this world. We can make change. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO,  Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 192: How to Build ”Organization Muscle” in Your Business, with Author Kevin Nolan

Building community both in your business and with your customer community is essential. I see community as "common unity." Everyone in a community has something they care about and we want to be part of that. It's good for employees and good for customers.  ~ Kevin Nolan By their nature, entrepreneurs often start their businesses alone, taking on many roles as they try to build their companies into sustainable, viable organizations. But going it alone, without recognizing the need for a community of support–and for building a community of support for employees–can stop an entrepreneur's dream in its tracks. Kevin Nolan is the founder of Nolan Painting and Nolan Consulting and author of the new book Organizational Muscle. Started to make money while he was in college, Kevin has built Nolan Painting into the nation's largest and most successful family-owned residential painting company. Along the way, he's learned powerful lessons, many of which dovetail with the Brilliantly Resilient tenets of building both a professional and personal foundation on a clear values system. Kevin's success begins with the values he believes in as an individual and makes a part of his business, and which his employees share as well. Citing community as a primary value, Kevin makes certain to imbue his office culture and community outreach with a sense of community building, creating employee and customer loyalty in the process. Be sure to check out Organizational Muscle for dynamic tips and practical strategies for building a business. And listen to Kevin's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast for these additional bits of brilliance: The way to build Organizational Muscle starts with 3 things: mission, vision, values, repeat. If you're not putting the culture in your company, someone else is. You have to work as a team within your business. Human beings work together; make your business a place of collaborative opportunity for everyone. Be careful of Hourglass management. That's when you set yourself up to have to approve each grain of sand as it falls through. The only way to succeed is to get out of the hourglass; get others involved so you aren't constantly overwhelmed.  Organization muscle is building a team, working together and building strength and endurance with routines. Routines are grounding. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin  

Episode 191: How to Tap Into Resilience Through Gratitude with Mary Fran Bontempo & Kristin Smedley!

Gratitude is a tool that connects us to our happiness, success and power.  ~ Kristin Smedley & Mary Fran Bontempo NOTE** This episode was previously aired, but it's fun, has a great message and deserves to be run again! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Has it ever occurred to you that gratitude can help you tap into your power? We don't often think of thankfulness as a powerful thing. In fact, some of us feel that being grateful may make us seem weak. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we are card-carrying members on the gratitude train. Even in our darkest hours, we were thankful for those slivers of light that held us up and gave us hope, whether they came from friends, family, or the experts who helped guide us through our crises. Training the mind to focus on blessings instead of lack opens up the spirit, and okay, we're going a little woo-woo here (with Mary Fran's blessing), the universe, to provide opportunities, connections and the strength to move forward instead of stewing in a pot of blech. Gratitude provides focus, as well as the positive energy necessary to make decisions and take action. This Thanksgiving, remember to be truly grateful for blessings both big and small. Live with an open heart and mind and use gratitude as a tool to live a Brilliantly Resilient life! Happy Thanksgiving! XO, KS & MFB

Episode 190: Living an Empowered Life Through ”The Pause,” with MenoWell Energy Bar Founder, Julie Gordon White

I don't subscribe to the idea that women, as we get older, we just fall apart. This may sound crazy, but I believe menopause is empowering…after so many years of caring for so many people, this is our time. ~ Julie Gordon White Have you experienced "the pause?" As women, we are all destined to experience menopause, should we reach the age. If we believe the media, that's when we go from Snow White to the old crone–shriveled, dried up and useless. But Julie Gordon White knows it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, with the proper education, nutrition and effort, menopause can be a time of opportunity and growth.  Julie researched the topic and learned that most doctors receive only 1-2 hours of education on menopause, not nearly enough. In fact, Julie learned that menopause is not a life-sentence, it's actually a single day that defines the end of a woman's cycle. After realizing that menopause needn't be an end, Julie founded a company that provides nutritious, energy packed snack bars to help manage symptoms and build a powerful mind and body during menopause. Further, Julie has created a movement where women can talk about a subject that's been taboo for far too long. With a strategy, menopause symptoms can be managed and women can expect to live powerful productive lives for many years to come. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we believe that self-care is essential to living a healthy, productive and happy life, and that age should never dictate how successful we are when sharing our Brilliantly Resilient gifts with the world. Tune in to hear more of Julie's wisdom, and order some Menowell Bars today! Be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance from Julie: We have to educate ourselves as women. We can't depend on our medical professionals because they don't always know. Visit menopause.org. and educate yourself. Then it's about nutrition because what we put in our bodies matters. There are 34 plus symptoms surrounding menopause, and 90% of women experience a ten pound weight gain around the middle. It's visceral fat and dangerous. There is a 70% higher risk of heart disease with visceral fat. Our waist size as women should be 34 inches or less. Mindset in menopause must be a practice. We have to tell ourselves that we can be better, healthier and empowered and keep that in our minds until it becomes natural. Our thinking self can create the experience that we want. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO,  Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 189: How to Claim Peace and Ditch Shame, with ”These Broken Roads” Author, Donna Marie Hayes

Normally, because of how I was raised, I would steer clear of anything that was confrontational because I wanted to keep the peace. But I started to wonder, whose peace was I keeping? ~ Donna Marie Hayes How many times have you avoided confrontation to "keep the peace?" How many times have you explained away red flags in relationships or situations because you couldn't or wouldn't face your own doubts and fears? After experiencing great loneliness during her childhood, Donna Marie Hayes felt she was on sure footing. After two failed marriages, Donna took eight years being on her own to build a strong personal foundation. But in her mid-50's, Donna wanted companionship, and found the "love of her life" through an online dating site. For 18 months, her relationship blossomed, until it came crashing down and she discovered she had been scammed, losing all of her money to a man who professed to love her.  On this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, Donna talks about how her childhood traumas remained to cause her to deny and deflect obvious red flags because she so wanted her relationship to be what it appeared to be on the surface. And once she realized she had been scammed, she fell into a place of shame, not wanting anyone to know what she felt she had allowed to happen to her. As we say in Brilliantly Resilient, it was when Donna armed herself with the truth that she was able to transfer her shame to her abuser, find her peace and later, to use her experiences to help other women rebuild their lives after devastating experiences. To learn more, tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and check out Donna's appearance on The Tamryn Hall Show as she talks about her book, These Broken Roads: Scammed and Vindicated, One Woman's Story. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: I thought those eight years of just being by myself prepared me for this, but I got sucked right in, because he was so nice, because I needed that. I needed it to be real, I wanted it to be real. I talked around it (the red flags). How are you showing up in life? Are you showing up diminished? Are you showing up with self-limiting beliefs or are some of your childhood traumas showing up in your adult life? We can't predict what we are going to do; we have to do some self-reflection. The common thread was shame. I decided to tell the story so the next woman who Googles his name is going to see what he did. I'm not going to wear your shame. You wear it. How can I repurpose my pain? How can I use it to benefit others? Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin  

Episode 188: How to Let Go of Should Be and Make Room for Could Be with Brilliantly Resilient Co-Founder, Mary Fran Bontempo

By making best friends with denial and distraction, I was refusing to see what "could be" going on in my life, which was that my son had been struggling for a very long time with substance abuse issues. I kept holding onto what I thought my life and my son "should be," instead of facing and dealing with the truth. ~ Mary Fran Bontempo Have you ever known that a crisis was barrelling down on you but you refused to see it? Some truths are just too hard to face, leading us to deny their existence and distract ourselves with just about anything to keep from facing reality. We're taught from a young age that if we follow "the rules," things will be okay. Do the right thing, and good will follow. Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, it doesn't always work out that way. Yet, giving up on that myth is scary, and can open a Pandora's box of life messes that we just don't want to face. Mary Fran Bontempo, co-founder of Brilliantly Resilient, knows the perils of focusing only on what she thought her life "should be," based on living by the rules. Knowing that her son was having some challenges, Mary Fran denied the severity of what she intuitively felt was wrong, because that wasn't what her life "should be" manifesting. If you follow the rules, things will be okay, right? But by ignoring the truth of what "could be," which was, in fact, that her son had spiraled into serious addiction, Mary Fran almost lost her child. We cannot navigate challenges if we deny them. It's essential to see truth. Maybe what's happening shouldn't be--terrible things shouldn't happen to good people--but only by acknowledging what could be the truth can we begin to find solutions and make our way back to the light. Tune in for more of Mary Fran's insights on this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to get her book, The 15 Minute Master, which tells the story of her son's addiction and how she and her family made their way back to health and healing. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 187: How to Own Your Power with Women That Influence Founder Sara Canuso

We live stories and beliefs that we've inherited. It can be so difficult to get rid of the trash in our heads that weighs us down. But the truth is that we are all "Women That Influence," we just have to believe that. ~ Sara Canuso   Do you recognize your power to influence? It's not always easy to see how we can impact those in our lives and the world at large, especially when life's minutiae can so quickly weigh us down. But Sara Canuso knows that every woman has the power to influence; we just have to choose to step out of roles that have been assigned to us and step into our futures. Sara is one of the "originals" in terms of empowering women, and a leading authority on women in the workplace. The founder of the dynamic group Women That Influence, Sara has been encouraging women to "live their truth" as they choose it to be, rather than living a story they have inherited. As Sara notes, "carrying around a lot of stories and trash in your head is a heavy load," and one we must release in order to fulfill our potential as leaders, whether in our own families and personal lives, or on a different, more public path. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that it can be a challenge to rise above the everyday; yet each of us has an opportunity, and in fact, an obligation to uncover our personal brilliance and share it with the world Tune into this episode the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Sara's wisdom, and check out Women That Influence to learn more about this empowering group. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 186: How to Use Perception to Become Brilliantly Resilient with B.R. Co-Founder Kristin Smedley

The most important foundational pillar of being Brilliantly Resilient for me is perception. It is how you are seeing your challenges. Are you looking at your life the way it "should be," or are you seeing what "could be?"  ~Kristin Smedley How do you see your challenges? No one looks at challenges as a blessing, at least not at first. But many people report feeling as though their challenges changed them in positive ways--once the crisis was navigated. Brilliantly Resilient co-founder Kristin Smedley recognizes that challenges can leave us stuck in the negative if we don't intentionally seek a way forward. For us here at Brilliantly Resilient, that way forward frequesntly lies in our perception of our problems. We're often stuck in the way we believe our lives should be, frustrated by circumstances that keep us from living the lives we want, or believe we deserve.  Yet, as Kristin tells us, once we let go of what we believe our lives should be and make room for what could be, we begin to uncover not only solutions to problems, but new ways of seeing the world that provide opportunities for growth, success and happiness.  As we reset with resilience, perception is one of the foundational pillars of living a Brilliantly Resilient life. Tune in to this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast for more of Kristin's wit and wisdom, and be sure to pick up your copy of the book, Brilliantly Resilient, on Amazon! Learn more about Kristin's work at https://kristinsmedley.com/. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin & Mary Fran  

Episode 185: How to Light Your Spark and Find Your Purpose, with Aleta Norris

Let's wake up every day and let's be on fire about a contribution that we're making to a broader audience. ~ Aleta Norris What's your purpose? Yes, it's a heavy question–one most of us grapple with often. But we can start to find our purpose once we look beyond ourselves. Aleta Norris, best-selling author of Women Who Spark and Women Who Spark After 50, joins the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to share her wisdom about how to live happy, successful lives when our life journey doesn't always match the visions of our younger selves. Despite experiencing hardships and challenges, Aleta assures women that life, especially in its second half, can contain joy, opportunity, and purpose, provided we learn to look outside of our own circumstances and recognize that good and bad can co-exist. With a process-oriented and pragmatic system, Aleta guides women towards vitality and fulfillment, urging us all to be "fully used up" by the end of our journeys. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we believe that service to others can open the door to discovering one's purpose and brilliance. Once we tap into our resilience to navigate our challenges and define our values, we not only learn what's most important to us, but we uncover ways we can contribute to the greater good, giving our lives meaning. Tune in for more of Aleta's wisdom and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: When the yucky stuff hasn't happened yet, we spend time focusing only on ourselves. Those of us who reach that crappy part in our lives are blessed, because that's the wake-up call. Our difficulties are our gift if we decide to make them our gift. Look at your life in decades. The 30's and 40's are very difficult decades. The messy middle. But it's not always going to be like that. Accept it for what it is but remember there is so much ahead. You can be good enough at something. You don't have to be great. I'm a good enough mom. Think about the things you love without having to turn it into a decision right away. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin