Brilliantly Resilient

Episode 189: How to Claim Peace and Ditch Shame, with ”These Broken Roads” Author, Donna Marie Hayes

Normally, because of how I was raised, I would steer clear of anything that was confrontational because I wanted to keep the peace. But I started to wonder, whose peace was I keeping? ~ Donna Marie Hayes How many times have you avoided confrontation to "keep the peace?" How many times have you explained away red flags in relationships or situations because you couldn't or wouldn't face your own doubts and fears? After experiencing great loneliness during her childhood, Donna Marie Hayes felt she was on sure footing. After two failed marriages, Donna took eight years being on her own to build a strong personal foundation. But in her mid-50's, Donna wanted companionship, and found the "love of her life" through an online dating site. For 18 months, her relationship blossomed, until it came crashing down and she discovered she had been scammed, losing all of her money to a man who professed to love her.  On this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, Donna talks about how her childhood traumas remained to cause her to deny and deflect obvious red flags because she so wanted her relationship to be what it appeared to be on the surface. And once she realized she had been scammed, she fell into a place of shame, not wanting anyone to know what she felt she had allowed to happen to her. As we say in Brilliantly Resilient, it was when Donna armed herself with the truth that she was able to transfer her shame to her abuser, find her peace and later, to use her experiences to help other women rebuild their lives after devastating experiences. To learn more, tune into this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and check out Donna's appearance on The Tamryn Hall Show as she talks about her book, These Broken Roads: Scammed and Vindicated, One Woman's Story. Be sure to listen for these additional bits of Brilliance: I thought those eight years of just being by myself prepared me for this, but I got sucked right in, because he was so nice, because I needed that. I needed it to be real, I wanted it to be real. I talked around it (the red flags). How are you showing up in life? Are you showing up diminished? Are you showing up with self-limiting beliefs or are some of your childhood traumas showing up in your adult life? We can't predict what we are going to do; we have to do some self-reflection. The common thread was shame. I decided to tell the story so the next woman who Googles his name is going to see what he did. I'm not going to wear your shame. You wear it. How can I repurpose my pain? How can I use it to benefit others? Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin  

Episode 188: How to Let Go of Should Be and Make Room for Could Be with Brilliantly Resilient Co-Founder, Mary Fran Bontempo

By making best friends with denial and distraction, I was refusing to see what "could be" going on in my life, which was that my son had been struggling for a very long time with substance abuse issues. I kept holding onto what I thought my life and my son "should be," instead of facing and dealing with the truth. ~ Mary Fran Bontempo Have you ever known that a crisis was barrelling down on you but you refused to see it? Some truths are just too hard to face, leading us to deny their existence and distract ourselves with just about anything to keep from facing reality. We're taught from a young age that if we follow "the rules," things will be okay. Do the right thing, and good will follow. Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, it doesn't always work out that way. Yet, giving up on that myth is scary, and can open a Pandora's box of life messes that we just don't want to face. Mary Fran Bontempo, co-founder of Brilliantly Resilient, knows the perils of focusing only on what she thought her life "should be," based on living by the rules. Knowing that her son was having some challenges, Mary Fran denied the severity of what she intuitively felt was wrong, because that wasn't what her life "should be" manifesting. If you follow the rules, things will be okay, right? But by ignoring the truth of what "could be," which was, in fact, that her son had spiraled into serious addiction, Mary Fran almost lost her child. We cannot navigate challenges if we deny them. It's essential to see truth. Maybe what's happening shouldn't be--terrible things shouldn't happen to good people--but only by acknowledging what could be the truth can we begin to find solutions and make our way back to the light. Tune in for more of Mary Fran's insights on this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to get her book, The 15 Minute Master, which tells the story of her son's addiction and how she and her family made their way back to health and healing. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 187: How to Own Your Power with Women That Influence Founder Sara Canuso

We live stories and beliefs that we've inherited. It can be so difficult to get rid of the trash in our heads that weighs us down. But the truth is that we are all "Women That Influence," we just have to believe that. ~ Sara Canuso   Do you recognize your power to influence? It's not always easy to see how we can impact those in our lives and the world at large, especially when life's minutiae can so quickly weigh us down. But Sara Canuso knows that every woman has the power to influence; we just have to choose to step out of roles that have been assigned to us and step into our futures. Sara is one of the "originals" in terms of empowering women, and a leading authority on women in the workplace. The founder of the dynamic group Women That Influence, Sara has been encouraging women to "live their truth" as they choose it to be, rather than living a story they have inherited. As Sara notes, "carrying around a lot of stories and trash in your head is a heavy load," and one we must release in order to fulfill our potential as leaders, whether in our own families and personal lives, or on a different, more public path. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know that it can be a challenge to rise above the everyday; yet each of us has an opportunity, and in fact, an obligation to uncover our personal brilliance and share it with the world Tune into this episode the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to hear more of Sara's wisdom, and check out Women That Influence to learn more about this empowering group. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 186: How to Use Perception to Become Brilliantly Resilient with B.R. Co-Founder Kristin Smedley

The most important foundational pillar of being Brilliantly Resilient for me is perception. It is how you are seeing your challenges. Are you looking at your life the way it "should be," or are you seeing what "could be?"  ~Kristin Smedley How do you see your challenges? No one looks at challenges as a blessing, at least not at first. But many people report feeling as though their challenges changed them in positive ways--once the crisis was navigated. Brilliantly Resilient co-founder Kristin Smedley recognizes that challenges can leave us stuck in the negative if we don't intentionally seek a way forward. For us here at Brilliantly Resilient, that way forward frequesntly lies in our perception of our problems. We're often stuck in the way we believe our lives should be, frustrated by circumstances that keep us from living the lives we want, or believe we deserve.  Yet, as Kristin tells us, once we let go of what we believe our lives should be and make room for what could be, we begin to uncover not only solutions to problems, but new ways of seeing the world that provide opportunities for growth, success and happiness.  As we reset with resilience, perception is one of the foundational pillars of living a Brilliantly Resilient life. Tune in to this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast for more of Kristin's wit and wisdom, and be sure to pick up your copy of the book, Brilliantly Resilient, on Amazon! Learn more about Kristin's work at https://kristinsmedley.com/. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin & Mary Fran  

Episode 185: How to Light Your Spark and Find Your Purpose, with Aleta Norris

Let's wake up every day and let's be on fire about a contribution that we're making to a broader audience. ~ Aleta Norris What's your purpose? Yes, it's a heavy question–one most of us grapple with often. But we can start to find our purpose once we look beyond ourselves. Aleta Norris, best-selling author of Women Who Spark and Women Who Spark After 50, joins the Brilliantly Resilient podcast to share her wisdom about how to live happy, successful lives when our life journey doesn't always match the visions of our younger selves. Despite experiencing hardships and challenges, Aleta assures women that life, especially in its second half, can contain joy, opportunity, and purpose, provided we learn to look outside of our own circumstances and recognize that good and bad can co-exist. With a process-oriented and pragmatic system, Aleta guides women towards vitality and fulfillment, urging us all to be "fully used up" by the end of our journeys. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we believe that service to others can open the door to discovering one's purpose and brilliance. Once we tap into our resilience to navigate our challenges and define our values, we not only learn what's most important to us, but we uncover ways we can contribute to the greater good, giving our lives meaning. Tune in for more of Aleta's wisdom and be sure to listen for these additional bits of brilliance: When the yucky stuff hasn't happened yet, we spend time focusing only on ourselves. Those of us who reach that crappy part in our lives are blessed, because that's the wake-up call. Our difficulties are our gift if we decide to make them our gift. Look at your life in decades. The 30's and 40's are very difficult decades. The messy middle. But it's not always going to be like that. Accept it for what it is but remember there is so much ahead. You can be good enough at something. You don't have to be great. I'm a good enough mom. Think about the things you love without having to turn it into a decision right away. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin  

Episode 184: How to Hear the Signs of Domestic Violence with Dr. Jennifer Gardella

We are always looking for signs of domestic violence, but we hear them more often than we see them. Domestic violence doesn't always look like broken bones and bruises. I was living in domestic abuse and I didn't even know it. ~ Dr. Jennifer Gardella Do you know anyone who is experiencing domestic abuse? Are you sure? As Dr. Jennifer Gardella aptly notes, domestic abuse is not always visible. In fact, if we listen, we can "hear" domestic abuse more often than we can see it. Cutting through all areas of class, education or outward success, many women are experiencing domestic abuse, but because they don't have the physical bruises to show for it, they themselves don't always recognize that they are living with domestic violence. In her new book, Listen for the Whispers of Abuse, Dr. Gardella, herself a victim of domestic abuse, offers signs of abuse including: Feeling you are always "walking on eggshells" around your partner. Having no control over your money or your personal schedule. Not being allowed to make decisions. Being told you are "crazy" or being yelled at for somehow not measuring up to your partner's expectations. Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we know the importance of a tribe. If you suspect a loved one is experiencing domestic abuse, here are some of Dr. Gardella's suggestions to lend support to the victim: "If you hear any inkling of 'I need to get out of here' start to talk to your loved one about safety planning." "Let her know that wherever she is on her journey, you are a safe space and will support her no matter what." "Reach out to other friends and ask 'Are we all seeing this?'" "Drip information whenever you can." Be sure to tune into this episode of The Brilliantly Resilient podcast, get Dr. Gardella's book, and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for more information. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin & Mary Fran  

Episode 183: How to Become Client Rich Through Marketing with Tai Goodwin

Some people think of marketing as flash. I was Facebook rich and client poor for 5 years. Stop friending your peers, they aren't your clients. ~ Tai Goodwin Are you an entrepreneur? If you own or promote a business, how much time do you spend posting on social media? Better yet, how much time do you spend posting on social media and assume that you are marketing your business?  Tai Goodwin, founder of That Marketing Team, knows about the distinction. As Tai notes, "The internet has made the barrier of entry very low. But people don't want to do the unsexy research to figure out who their best audience is. There is a skill set that has to be learned to be successful."  Getting likes on social media makes us feel good. But we can't just post about our business or work and assume the right people are seeing it. As Tai reminds us, we have to do the hard work of digging deep, homing in on our customer base, articulating who we are, and building relationships with our audience.  Here at Brilliantly Resilient, we understand the value of relationships. Yet, it's important to focus on building the right relationships, especially in business. And Tai knows a few things about resilience, too, like recognizing that receiving what we ask for takes the resilience to know we have to do the work to get it. (Be sure to listen from minute 33 on for some true Brilliance from Tai!)  Tune in to hear more of Tai's wisdom on this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and find out more about Tai at www.thatmarketingteam.com. Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin  

Episode 182: How to get up and keep swinging, with John Lee Dumas of Entrepreneurs on Fire!

Getting sucker-punched is part of everyone's journey. Sometimes the most successful people had more worst moments to share with the audience. But it always came back to them being resilient, getting up again, swinging that bat and eventually connecting and hitting that single, double, home run or sometimes grand slam. ~ John Lee Dumas, EOFire Have you ever envied—just a little—people who are highly successful? Have you ever thought their lives were somehow charmed and problem free? Have you ever thought—that could never be me; I've been knocked down too many times? John Lee Dumas has interviewed hundreds of hugely successful entrepreneurs, all with one major thing in common—sucker punches. As JLD notes, no one is spared challenges; it's being willing to tap into your resilience and get up to swing again that makes one successful. Coupled with intense focus, a grateful perspective and action with skills and knowledge, JLD believes that if you have a chance to try, you can move towards a win. Tune into hear more of JLD's wisdom on this episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast, and be sure to check out our episode on EOFire, which JLD has declared one of his classics! Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 181: Welcome to a New Season of Brilliantly Resilient with Mary Fran and Kristin!

For several seasons we've been bringing you all of the stories about how if we can do it, you can do it. Then it was with our guests, if they can do it, you can do it. But people were asking okay, "But how? How do you do it?"  ~ Kristin Smedley We're back!! Welcome back to a New Season of Brilliantly Resilient Live! As former teachers and moms, September is our New Year. We get excited about new beginnings and this new season of Brilliantly Resilient is just that. We're changing it up a bit this season. We'll still be brining you great content and great guests. But we're also going to dig into what caused us to create Brilliantly Resilient in the first place. We both experienced our own traumatic sucker punches and train wrecks, but after meeting one another we realized that our process to navigate our crises was very similar. It's that process--the how we did it, and still do it--that we're going to offer you in a slightly different way. So this season, you'll be seeing us together, with guests, and separately, as we share our individual takes on what it means to live with a Brilliantly Resilient mindset. As we continue to grow, we want to help you do the same. And to that end, did you know that we bring Brilliantly Resilient on the road? Over the past several years, we've been honored and proud to bring Brilliantly Resilient to many companies, ERGs (Employee Resource Groups), conferences and associations, both in person and virtually. It's a joy to hear how the B.R. process resonates with others both professionally and personally. So if you'd like to have us join you at work or with a group, drop us a line at howdy@brilliantlyresilient.net  or get our speaker kit to learn more. Meanwhile, enjoy this new season and happy September to all! Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Mary Fran & Kristin

Episode 180: B.R. Summer Reading List Week 10--”Hope is the First Dose,” with Dr. Lee Warren

Doubt can go two ways: One direction leads to fear, the other to hope. ~ Dr. Lee Warren: Hope is the First Dose What does it mean to hope? As children, we hope for a bike for Christmas or a puppy. As we grow, hope may be in the form of a prom date. But as we grow, and life brings its challenges, it becomes harder to hope, sometimes resulting in depression or despair. Dr. Lee Warren has survived more than most--divorce, war, the loss of a child to an unsolved murder. Any one might crush a spirit. Yet Lee continues to turn to hope in God to find meaning and purpose in life, despite admitting to doubt and questioning, which he notes are part of the human journey. Lee has continued to inspire us here at Brilliantly Resilient with his encouragement and belief--leading us to continue to hope and move towards a greater purpose. Read more about Hope is the First Dose, below and be sure to tune into Lee's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient podcast. To get the full B.R. Summer Reading list, click here. Lee Warren: Hope is the First Dose A practicing neurosurgeon and award-winning author shares his roadmap to finding hope and even happiness when the worst happens—by placing trust in God—in this powerful memoir of personal tragedy, grief, and recovery. In Hope Is the First Dose, Dr. Warren offers tender empathy and hard-won insights to give you tangible hope. No matter what you're facing, it doesn't have to be the end of you. Let Dr. Warren help you find your way back to a new season of hope, faith, peace—and even happiness. The first dose is hope—and it comes in the form of grace from the skilled hands of the Great Physician. Tune into Lee's episode of the Brilliantly Resilient Podcast! Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together! XO, Kristin and Mary Fran